There are empty desks everyday, not to be filled again for a long time.
The thing that sucks the most about these layoffs is that I don’t quite understand where they come from.
Is it based on work performance?
Is it based on return on salary?
Or maybe just based on personal preferences?
Maybe its random?
The thing is, it’s really hard to keep cool when things like this happen.
Not being able to understand why these things are happening, and wondering if this is just my problem for choosing shitty workplaces that fire their employees like they are worth nothing….
It’s quite hard to fathom.
I just wish things would settle down after some time, so that I can learn and work in peace,
Yesterday, I started a new hobby which was reading my mental and emotional state by using tarot cards.
I know there are a lot of people and professionals out there, but these posts will mostly be for looking back at the way I feel about the cards I chose.
Hopefully, it will tell me more about how I see things, and also help me think in a brighter light about situations that I struggle with.
Last night, I found out that someone who means a lot to me got into an argument about being close with me. They say that it was not personal in any way– and I think it was more of just an act of cautiousness.
The card on the bottom is how I feel now:
While the cards on each side tell me the results of choosing to confront, or to stay quiet respectively.
The Page of Pentacles in the middle looks sincere, and the background behind hints at a bright future. For me, the image gave me a feeling of peace and focus. I am not too worried about the situation at hand, but rather focusing on the things in front of me– which are more related to financial and physical things.
Perhaps news from my company and the way I feel about career is reflected in this card.
On the Left hand is the Justice Card.
The female is sitting on a throne waring a red robe. She does not seemed bothered very much, but is also holding a sword, hinting at the fact that there will be a decision to be made.
If I choose to confront this person about their emotions and how they feel towards me, I will try to find the most balanced results while also making a very sharp decision. The choice between what is right and wrong will be in my hands, where all truths will be weighed on a objective scale and logical resoning rather than merely emotions.
On the Right, is The Star.
The young female in the star symbolizes a peace, and a guiding light. It could mean that this is the way I feel most comfortable going as the results of this path are clear. Water, often symbolizing emotions– is poured out onto the land and into the lake in front of her. Perhaps the ability for me to give and receive emotions in a guided manner will help me be at peace with myself if I choose to stay quiet and let myself find inner peace.
As a Bonus, I picked another card, which is more positioned to the right hand side.
It would be to wait things out and see what happens in the future. The three of Pentacles is a card that expresses the possibility of being able to prove myself in a situation. Funny enough, there is a person on a bench, looking as if to explain something important to the people in front of him.
If I wait for my chance, perhaps the right timing will come for me to prove myself, without having to embrace the stress of fidning justice. Instead of making rash decisions and putting myself in a hard place that forces me to stay just and impartial, I can wait things out to see the further opportunities I have.
Looking at my cards, I think that this was a good reflection of how I feel about this subject
How I feel: Peaceful, focused on something else
Choose to confront: Will need to make a decision, Impartial Relationship based on logic
Do not Confront: Feels like the right thing to do, heart is guiding me to act this way, peaceful with my emotions
Choose to Wait: There will come an opportunity where I will be able to earn the acceptance of others, but perhaps this is not the right timing to do so. Could result in a mess if underprepared.
Ridia's Green Barley 
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