Love like a Dog, Live like a Cat

Ah, the long asked question: are you a cat person or a dog person?

Cats are pretty clean, quiet, and they pee in their designated areas. Of course, they scratch up your walls and your couch so that your furniture starts looking like it belongs in a haunted house. They are whiny– and pretty talkative at times. They like to chase your legs and sit on top of warm laundry, mess up your blankets and rummage through your closet– but its all ok. You know, because they are cute.

Dogs on the other hand, are a lot of work. They need bathing, nail clipping, regular walks, training, and also a lot of attention. Bigger dogs also need a lot of food too. The costs of taking care of a dog are well similar to taking care of a tiny human (though I wouldn’t know yet) but all worth it.

The unconditional love that a dog gives to its humans is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in this world until now. They will run to you in their sleep, give you kisses like every day is their last day with you, and make you feel like you are the most precious thing in their life.

Cats are more like a roommate, I believe. They are my comfort animal and spirit animal at the same time. What I love about cats is that they don’t really give a f***. They will do what they want, when they want it, but also have the audacity to be proud of what they have done. It’s all I ever want for myself– to be so sure of my decisions, knowing that things will work out in the end. They aren’t afraid to run in times of danger, they will do what it takes to take care of themselves– and that’s what matters, right?

Unlike humans, both dogs and cats are honest.

Dogs don’t calculate in relationships, they give, love, and spread joy. They won’t manipulate or make you believe a certain thing. They are the live representation of love– I believe, and if love was an animal, it would be a dog.

Cats know what they want and how they want it. They act for themselves, and they are proud of who they are. They don’t care much about everything else, they rest, eat, and play– taking good care of themselves is the first priority in their life.

I love being around all animals, but especially in my home I find that there is so much to learn from my pets. I love them most dearly and though I cannot specifically choose whether I am a dog person or a cat person, I know for a fact that my life would be very dull without them. I hope that when my financial status becomes better, I will be able to help more animals find good homes.

About Me

The reason I started this blog is to keep a memory of all the small moments in life.

I often fail to remember the good days when everything seems so bleak. Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come. I am rarely wise enough to be thankful for every waking moment. I hope that this blog will allow me to remember the details in life that are so easy to forget.

There are stories that I will talk about later as time goes on, some which I do not have the courage to share at this moment.

But I hope that one day, I will be proud of myself enough to look back at these entries and laugh. 🙂

Trying to Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle (Is it even possible?)

So maintaining a healthy lifestyle gets harder every year.

Emotional health, bad.

Mental health, bad.

Physical health, bad.

Financial Status, bad.

So basically I’m using money to go to hospitals to take medication for my neck pain

While trying to go to the therapist every week to make sure I can keep living everyday life without breaking down

And trying to stay at work to pay for those bills and the rest of my life

And at the same time trying not to get fired by giving up time I can spend on making my mental and physical health better

And trying to create a side hustle just in case Plan A fails

Seriously, for all of you working out while keeping a career and a healthy mind..

How the F*** are you keeping that up?

Way to go… because I’m at the starting line again.

Life has so many tasks and just too little time.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Reminders of a loved one

Heading back home after a day with my family, stress levels were high.

Literally any song on the radio could bring me to tears that day.

I also noticed that everyday things were all memories of loved ones. People that I would soon lose.

I found that looking at those things would one day bring me tears of joy or tears of sorrow, grieving over what once was there.

Photo by Aljona Ovtu0161innikova on Pexels.com

Mango Juice: My grandma still keeps shit tons of mango juice at her house. She didn’t even know what mango was until I came and lived with her. It was the only juice I would drink as a child, and she still remembers how much I loved it. Seeing juice boxes and 1 liter bottles of mango juice at her house still makes me a little teary.

Baobab Trees and Gypsophila: My moms favorite plants. She was a curious soul. Mom would be fascinated by how the baobab had roots on their tree tops. She loved The Little Prince. She had a wonderful, childlike innocence. Mom also loved Gypsophila. She loved them more than roses. When people gifted her with a bouquet, she would tell me how much she loved the white little bulbs that supported the beauty of the roses.

Small things hold so much meaning when linked to beautiful memories. It reminds me of so much more than just a certain period of time or an event– but more of the person and the people they used to be.

Some things are so hard to let go.

About Age and Death

This Friday, I took a half day to visit my grandparents at the senior home.

Grandpa is much shorter and weaker than I remember. His hair isn’t as clean and short as it used to be, rather sticking out on some sides.

His stern face is gone. He smiles more. I don’t remember many times that he smiled.

My grandma is still a young woman at heart. She feels sad that her hands have become wrinkled and dry.

She looks at my grandpa and her eyes are full of worry.

She has cut her hair short. She has never done that her whole life. All her life, her hair had been in curls, making her head look more volumized than it actually is.

Aging is a natural phenomenon that many people have a hard time accepting.

Every time a hair turns grey or a bone starts to ache, we notice that these are the tolls of old age.

I fear growing old now that I have seen the things it does.

Perhaps even more than death itself.

#1 Daily Tarot Psychology: Someone Doesn’t Like Me

23, November 2022

Yesterday, I started a new hobby which was reading my mental and emotional state by using tarot cards.

I know there are a lot of people and professionals out there, but these posts will mostly be for looking back at the way I feel about the cards I chose.

Hopefully, it will tell me more about how I see things, and also help me think in a brighter light about situations that I struggle with.

Last night, I found out that someone who means a lot to me got into an argument about being close with me. They say that it was not personal in any way– and I think it was more of just an act of cautiousness.

The card on the bottom is how I feel now:

While the cards on each side tell me the results of choosing to confront, or to stay quiet respectively.

The Page of Pentacles in the middle looks sincere, and the background behind hints at a bright future. For me, the image gave me a feeling of peace and focus. I am not too worried about the situation at hand, but rather focusing on the things in front of me– which are more related to financial and physical things.

Perhaps news from my company and the way I feel about career is reflected in this card.

On the Left hand is the Justice Card.

The female is sitting on a throne waring a red robe. She does not seemed bothered very much, but is also holding a sword, hinting at the fact that there will be a decision to be made.

If I choose to confront this person about their emotions and how they feel towards me, I will try to find the most balanced results while also making a very sharp decision. The choice between what is right and wrong will be in my hands, where all truths will be weighed on a objective scale and logical resoning rather than merely emotions.

On the Right, is The Star.

The young female in the star symbolizes a peace, and a guiding light. It could mean that this is the way I feel most comfortable going as the results of this path are clear. Water, often symbolizing emotions– is poured out onto the land and into the lake in front of her. Perhaps the ability for me to give and receive emotions in a guided manner will help me be at peace with myself if I choose to stay quiet and let myself find inner peace.

As a Bonus, I picked another card, which is more positioned to the right hand side.

It would be to wait things out and see what happens in the future. The three of Pentacles is a card that expresses the possibility of being able to prove myself in a situation. Funny enough, there is a person on a bench, looking as if to explain something important to the people in front of him.

If I wait for my chance, perhaps the right timing will come for me to prove myself, without having to embrace the stress of fidning justice. Instead of making rash decisions and putting myself in a hard place that forces me to stay just and impartial, I can wait things out to see the further opportunities I have.

Looking at my cards, I think that this was a good reflection of how I feel about this subject

How I feel: Peaceful, focused on something else

Choose to confront: Will need to make a decision, Impartial Relationship based on logic

Do not Confront: Feels like the right thing to do, heart is guiding me to act this way, peaceful with my emotions

Choose to Wait: There will come an opportunity where I will be able to earn the acceptance of others, but perhaps this is not the right timing to do so. Could result in a mess if underprepared.

I work smarter. Not just Harder.

No, just because you spend more time at your desk doesn’t mean you work harder.

Classic Rookie Mistake.

Of course there is an ultimate amount of time that needs to be spent on things.

But work is about progress. Whether you’re learning, communicating, developing, or creating… any action that happens in a workplace should have a purpose and progress.

Time only matters when things are done correctly and as needed.

If you don’t have a purpose, don’t waste other people’s time just to have your moment.

We all have work to do!

On the ethics of success

Can success be ethical?

What happens when work and money is related to morality?

Today, I talked to my therapist about the ethics of life.

He pointed out that ethical decisions make up a lot of my choices. giving me an example situation as so:

If my child was running a high fever and I had no money, AND the nearest drugstore was closed with nobody at the counter, what would I do?

Me, I would go running out and look for a new one with someone with the empathy to lend me some painkillers.

Strangely enough, I would not go in and steal some medication. Didn’t even cross my mind.

Perhaps it is because I don’t have the guts to.

Maybe, it’s because I don’t have a child yet, and I don’t know how it feels.

Or maybe, it’s a result of my conscience– one that was drilled into me since childhood.

Any how, making decisions that go against my ethics and values is a hard choice. But I find peace in the fact that I can take responsibility in my actions and choices.

Whenever I find that the results of things in front of me are the outcomes of unethical decisions, it hurts me to a point where I lose respect for those involved. Often times, I find that the most desperate to succeed will make unethical decision. Why is this?

Acting like a good person will not make you a good one. Making selfish decisions and sugarcoating it to make yourself look good– well, people will find out in the end.

I believe in the power of hard work, but progress should never be the result of throwing others under the bus.

Making sacrifices for yourself and your career is inevitable. But sacrificing the happiness of others to veil yourself in a shroud of lies– I believe that things will ultimately find its way around.

After all. Karma’s a bitch.

Seeing so many occasions of people losing their morals just for a moment of success makes me sick.

I wonder what it is.

Is losing all sense of morality something that is necessary for success?

Can these decisions and choices be justified with good results?

Should people do all it takes just to be rich– even at the expense of others?

If I choose to be ambitious, will I become this monster that I loathe so much?

To choose between morality and wealth is a hard question, but there must be a place in between.

Hey Everyone, its my 26th Birthday! But why am I sad?

Unlike all the TikTok trends, (knock knock knock, its my birthday! trend)

The hour of my birthday was pretty sad.

I had visited my parents’ house, with a cake and a birthday cone to celebrate with the ones I loved the most.

The result: a crying mom, and a father who had been busy.

Which is not… bad… I guess.

Dad was out with his coworkers celebrating his promotion (that he had not told me about, and found out in the morning) thinking that we would be visiting him this morning.

Easy to mistake. Simple miscommunication right?

Mom was telling me that she wanted to die after this meal (my birthday meal..) because I was old enough to take care of myself.

Somehow, I kept it together during my mom’s breakdown, laughing the tears away. But when my dad apologized for “not being there for my only daughter’s birthday,” it brought me to tears.

Honestly, I don’t know why.

I guess I just wanted to be cared for. And to know that he cared, but couldn’t make it was a big disappointment.

There is something about birthdays that make me want things that I normally don’t expect.

And the more I expect, the more I am disappointed.

I am loved by so many friends and family members. They all congratulate me and send me love, and I know that I have lived a pretty awesome life.

The thing about having a mental disorder is that sometimes my feelings and my head don’t seem to make sense to eachother. I fear things and worry about things that need not be worried about, and get disappointed for things that clearly in my head I know is not personal.

Today is a bit better. I’m taking the day off with my partner at a quiet mountain resort. The air is nice and foggy, just how I like it actually.

I’m allowed wine and beer in the middle of the day, and I pet some cats who came by to get some food. Cute.

Therapy Journal: Getting Better. I hope.

Yesterday was the first week that I had not had feelings of depression after therapy.

I had not cried, felt scared, or lost, or depressed.

When I told my therapist this, he seemed a bit… surprised.

Had we finally found the right amount of medication to suppress my negative emotions?

I was not having trouble sleeping too, which is a good sign.

Honestly, I don’t feel much at all right now.

I feel pretty glad. I think.

I also feel excited that I will be travelling this Sunday.

Hopefully this amount of medication will be just enough to keep me feeling less devastated in the following months.

Wish me luck.

Dogs in Korea (No we don’t just eat them)

As someone who has only had a dog in Korea, I wouldn’t really know what it feels like to have a dog in a different country,

All I know is that there is an increasing number of dog friendly cafes in Korea, and being the owner of a 15kg pup, this is amazing news. Still, many places in central Seoul only accept smaller dogs. But in the outskirts of Seoul, there are places for the bigger dogs and their owners to hang out.

Today, I visited a cafe in Paju. Something about the rain and the weather made it all the more pleasant for us to enjoy the weekend.

My partner hates rainy weather. But I, on the other hand love the rain. The scent of rain and the way it matches my mood is actually pretty soothing. Especially when I have nothing to do on the weekend, rainy weather is something that makes me feel really calm.

When we first arrived, Yeondu took a short walk on her leash, went outside to pee, and came back in to play with her friends. It’s a quite common thing for people to discriminate against jindos in Korea, but this particular cafe was very jindo friendly.

Jindos have a pretty picky attitude when it comes to food, but luckily Yeondu enjoyed her drink as much as we enjoyed ours. One of our goals is to have a house with a yard and two dogs. Sometimes, coming to places like these makes it seem more like a reality.

Sometimes hanging out with dogs and their owners is the best feeling in the world. Hoping that one day I will have a house big enough to foster some strays, and make special relationships with the foster dogs’ adopted families.