Letter to mom #3

Mom, it’s me.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t let go of the memories we had.

It somehow feels more painful to be awake than to be unconscious-

I wake up with nightmares of losing other people,

and everytime I see your photo or sign a paper that has to do with you-

I feel as if it’s the world against me– forcing me to let you go, when my heart is clearly not ready.

Today was the strangest sensation. You probably don’t know, but this is the second- family death that I’ve been through.

It was that feeling. A feeling of total isolation, a feeling of not wanting to get up- of… wanting to just give up.

I have to fight left in me right now.

Yet I can’t stop fighting… against what?

I hope your day was better than mine.

I’m glad to some point that this pain was mine to have, rather than yours.

I love you. I’m sorry for the things that I never did- that I could have.

It’s going to take a long time to get over this feeling. I’m scared. Please be there for me.



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