Mom, people say that the pain of my loss is the proof of a life that has been loved.
Every time I feel this pain, it tells me just how loved I was.
I don’t know if I’ll ever learn to be okay without you. Though many say time will heal,
the more times passes, the more unrealistic it sounds.
I took a few weeks off to be with dad.
I am really concerned about him, as I know it is probably harder for him than it is for me.
We miss you dearly.
People we couldn’t reach out to, keep calling us.
Even when your number is now gone, they find a way to reach out to us.
Each time someone approaches us with warm condolences, it brings tears to my eyes.
I feel that by now, all my tears should have been dried- but it is not so.
It fears me to think that all relationships come to an end.
It has me questioning mortality.
I don’t fear my own death- but I do fear the deaths of people I love.
Maybe be fear of loss is more a reality than the fear of death.
As I sit near the window you always sat by, the view of the room reminds me of you.
Passing by your favorite doughnut shop and drinking your favorite type of coffee reminds me of you.
Hearing your name and seeing your photos,
Listening to our songs- most of which were timeless classics-
It all reminds me of you still.
Please be well, and please visit me in my dreams just once.
I miss you so much.
Your daughter,
Ridia
Ridia's Green Barley 